


If You Ever Feel Alone

by butterflylovers



Category: We Are the In Crowd
Genre: F/M, Trans OMC, trans OC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 19:37:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17793485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflylovers/pseuds/butterflylovers
Summary: If you ever feel alone then you should knowHow hard it is to feel like you belongEvery day feels like a war that can't be wonJust know that you're not the only oneIf you ever feel alone________Tay is tired of the dating scene, ironically, she is also tired of feeling alone. Jace shamelessly loves 80s and 90s rom-coms, but he didn't expect to find himself in a situation as if he were in one.Title credit and lyrics in summary: If You Ever Feel Alone by SAINTE. Slightly inspired by the lyrics.





	If You Ever Feel Alone

Tay had specific skills to be proud of. Tay was good at singing, she was good at embarrassing herself, and she was good at writing (just to name a few of her skills). However, Tay was never good at relationships.  
  
She wouldn’t consider herself boy crazy because it wasn’t like she was looking for a new boyfriend every time she got dumped. They just came to her and she just shamelessly falls for them―another thing she was not good at, falling in love with a guy that gave her 10 minutes of attention.  
  
The first  _real_  and  _serious_  boyfriend Tay ever had was the one she had the hardest time moving on from. He was so sweet to her, treating her in a way that no other guy, let alone person, has ever treated her. He looked at her with those gorgeous chestnut eyes that no one has ever looked at her like that before; with such admiration and love. Every moment he spent with her, he knew what to say and what to do to make her wrapped around his finger. Alexander Gaskarth was her knight in shining armor. He was handsome, funny, kind, silly―he was  _perfect._. What they had seemed so perfect too; the dates, the late night talks, the sex, everything.  
  
What did Tay do to ruin what they had?  
  
She continues to ask herself on how she lost the most amazing guy she’s ever had the pleasure of connecting with. Was it too perfect? Honestly, the brunette didn’t see it coming. Alex never pushed her away, Alex never left her any sort of signals that he was no longer interested. Tay remembers the day vividly:  
  
Tay was getting her apartment ready for Alex. She was cleaning the apartment, waiting for the oven to finishing cooking the chicken she made. Tonight was their one year anniversary, and she wanted to ask him to move in with him to take the next step in their relationship. Tay wanted to be super cheesy by making a beautiful, romantic candlelit dinner. She bought fresh roses and ingredients from the farmers market down the street from where she lived, bought a new outfit, and spent half an hour trying to find some good (but easy) recipes on Pinterest to make the night special.  
  
As she was finishing the final touches of the dining table, there was a knock on the door. “Oh shit,” she mumbled to herself. She quickly runs to the mirror to double check how she looked. “Uh, I’ll be right there!”  
  
When she felt satisfied with how she looked, she went to answer the door. She smiled as she saw her boyfriend standing in front of her with a bouquet of flowers. “Alex! Come in!”  
  
He chuckles, hugging her. “You act surprised to see me yet you set this up.” He handles the flowers, kissing her cheek.  
  
She blushes at his actions. “I know, I’m just thrilled to see you.”  
  
“You’re too cute.” He takes off his shoes. “Something smells good, did you make dinner?”  
  
She giggles at his observation. She leads him to the dining table, serving them their meal. She had made cordon bleu with a tomato basil sauce to go along with it and a side of roasted redskin potatoes. As they were enjoying their meal, they would talk about how their day went and such. Right when they finished their meal and enjoying the ice cream Tay had bought, she figured it was the right moment to bring up her question.  
  
“So Al, you know I love you, right?” she asks, staring at her ice cream instead of him.  
  
“Of course,” he says, smiling at her.  
  
“I just, um, I wanted to bring up something important to you.”  
  
“Actually, I do too,” he said, surprising the female. Maybe he was going to ask her the same thing! At least, that was what she thought. She smiled at his words.  
  
“You go first,” she says, looking at him, the anxiety slowly leaving her.  
  
“Tay, you know you’re an amazing girl right? You’re like, the coolest girl I’ve ever had the pleasure of being with and meeting,” he starts off, reaching across the small table to hold her hand. She smiles at this. “You’ve always been full of smiles and laughs. Honestly, I can’t believe how lucky I am to be with someone as amazing as you. I can’t believe out of all the stars; you picked the gassiest.”  
  
She laughs, smiling at him. “You’re such a goof.”  
  
He weakly smiles. “You’re right. I am a goof; a goof who’s surprised to be with someone as amazing as you. This year with you has been amazing, and I’m glad that you feel the same. Some people grow together, and others grow apart. With us, we did both.”  
  
“What do you mean?” she frowns.  
  
“Tay, you’re an amazing girl. I probably said it a million times, but it’s true. When I met you, I was going through a harsh breakup with my longtime girlfriend, and you came into my life in the right moment, fixing my broken heart and soul. I’m so thankful for you and the love you showed me since then. I loved you; I loved  _us_. However, I feel like this isn’t going to work for me anymore.”  
  
She immediately let go of his hand, staring at him with teary eyes. She tried holding back the tears that were threatening to spill. She couldn’t cry in front of him, not now, not like this. “W-Why?” she asks, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “Did I do something wrong?”  
  
“No!” he panics. “It’s not you; it’s me. I know I’m sure every guy says that but it’s true. I saw her a few days ago and, ugh, fuck… I guess those old feelings came back and now she wants to get back together. We have history; I always imagined being with her for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry Tay, I didn’t want to lead you on.”  
  
The tears were spilling down, splashing and crashing against the glass table. “I-I understand, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the girl you want to start a new chapter with.”  
  
Alex frowned at her words. “It’s not your fault, Tay. I’m glad I met you, okay? I still want there to be an us, but as in friends.”  
  
_“Fuck your friendship, you just broke up with me.”_  she thought to herself. She wants to say it, but she didn’t want to make the situation worse than it already was. “Yeah, me too, I guess.”  
  
“Cool,” Alex says, leaning back in his seat, smiling a bit. “So what did you want to ask me?”  
  
She sighed, telling him that maybe she shouldn’t say anything. However, Alex insisted that she should just ask him since they were friends and friends should be upfront with each other. She sighs again, looking at her melted bowl of ice cream. “I was gonna ask you to move in with me.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Since then, Alex had tried being good friends Tay and having his girlfriend, Lisa, become friends with her. However, it proved to be difficult for the male due to the fact that his girlfriend wasn’t too fond of his friend who happened to be his ex-girlfriend. Tay wasn’t that fond of her either, but she tried to get along with her since she knew that was all Alex wanted from her at that point, and she wanted to make him happy. After all, she was still in love with him, and she was willing to do anything to make him happy. After third wheeling for three months, she grew tired of being around the couple.  
  
“God, I wish Alex wasn’t such an oblivious idiot sometimes and realize that he is hurting me,” she groaned, throwing herself into the red couch.  
  
Three months after the difficult breakup with Alex, she finds herself in the basement of Jordan Eckes’ house. Jordan was 1/5 of their band; We Are the In Crowd. The band was a side hobby they liked to do when they were free since they were all studying for real careers. Along with Jordan, the band consisted of her best friends from high school: Cameron Hurley, Mike Ferri, and Rob Chianelli. Since the breakup with Alex, the boys had tried to cheer her up and keep her away from Alex as much as they could to avoid moments like this. They didn’t like seeing their friend hurt like this, especially dealing with a breakup from her first, serious boyfriend.  
  
Cameron kneels in front of her, patting her head. “Alex is stupid, and he’s not worth your tears, Tay. I know you’re hurting, but you need to stop hurting yourself like this too.”  
  
She looks up, wiping the tears away. “I know, Cam. I just hate myself for letting him do this to me. I hate that I can’t stop myself from running back to him.”  
  
As she sits up, he goes to sit beside her. He puts his arm around her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. He rests his head beside hers, sighing. “I know you don’t mean to. You’re just trying to make him happy and be a good friend. But Tay, you need to make yourself happy too. It’s not selfish; you deserve it. You make sure others are happy, but you need to be happy too.”  
  
“Thanks, Cameron, you’re right,” she said. “I’m sorry for being mopey.”  
  
The dark haired male brings them closer, chuckling. “Don’t worry about it; we just want you to be our happy, Tay. We love you.”  
  
“I love you guys, too.”  
  
After their moment, Tay can’t find herself to remove herself away from him. They just sit there until Jordan comes back with some snacks. They start to talk until Rob and Mike arrive to begin practice. Throughout their band practice, Tay finds herself inching closer to Cameron, who only smiles as she sings. Occasionally, they glance at each other and make silly faces.  
  
Tay never thought of Cameron more than a friend before this day. Cameron has always been there for her, sometimes he was a bit affectionate towards her, but she always thought that he did this with brotherly love. Because those boys, her bandmates, have been like her older brothers. She never noticed how handsome he was with his dorky smile and his eyes filled with glee. He had a certain energy that radiated from him, and Tay loved it.  
  
Slowly, Tay had begun finding more and more of an interest in Cameron. Cameron could sense this too, so he would often invite her over to his shared apartment with Jordan for pizza. Tay would show up with games or movies, Jordan would take that as his cue to leave, and Cameron and Tay would just watch movies and eat together. The more they did this, the more they found themselves closer to one another: cuddling, hand holding, and kissing. Soon, the pair became a couple.  
  
The band didn’t mind, although it was in some ways a bit unexpected. The boys knew Cameron was attracted to Tay at one point, but they didn’t really expect Tay to suddenly develop feelings for the male since she’s always treated the boys as brothers. And they constantly thought back to Jordan, who has openly admitted to the boys that he had feelings for Tay since they first met. Despite being happy for the two of them, the boys can’t help but feel a bit worried about what would happen to the band. What if something were to happen, like if they broke up or if Jordan suddenly let their relationship become an obvious problem for them?  
  
And that’s what had slowly started to happen.  
  
They found themselves having a lot more free time then they all expected, so Tay urged for them to get together. She and Mike had arranged an upcoming gig for them to perform and she wanted them to do their best since this would be their first live performance in some time. Jordan has slowly grown more and more frustrated at the two, especially Cameron, who was fully aware of Jordan’s feelings for Tay. Cameron, like the other males in the band, was like a brother to Jordan. If this were anyone else he knew, it wouldn’t hurt as much. But Cameron was his best friend, his ride or die, his brother. How could he do him so dirty like that?  
  
As Tay and Rob were out picking up the pizza for the group, the other three males were waiting for the arrival. Mike and Cameron were on their phones while Jordan was shooting daggers toward Cameron.  
  
“J, what’s up?” Cameron questions, never looking away from the screen. Mike takes this as his cue to leave, silently excusing himself.  
  
“You already know, Cameron, I don’t need to explain myself,” Jordan coldly replies, his death glares never faltering.  
  
“Well, you don’t need to worry about  _that_  if that’s what you really are implying.”  
  
The taller male gives him a look of bewilderment. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean that Tay and I are gonna be over with soon,” he starts, putting his phone into the pocket of his hoodie, “I met this girl through Mike’s brother, Will. They go to the same college, and she’s super great. I’m gonna ask her out, after I break things with Tay, of cours—”  
  
“You fucking bastard!” Jordan shouts from his seat, pouncing on top of his “friend.” He collides his tightened fist to the right side of Cameron's jaw, pulling him up from the collar of his hoodie to make strong eye contact. “How dare you treat her like that? You were her fucking friend, and now you have the honor to be her boyfriend. You  _knew_  how I felt about her, and you still took her away. You don’t deserve her! She deserves better than this, you asshole.”  
  
Before Jordan could throw another punch to the man below him, he could feel a pair of hands pull his body away from Cameron effortlessly. He allows his body to go limp, letting whoever it was separate the two before he could take the chance to hurt Cameron again.  
  
“What the hell is going on?” Rob demands, his hands on the taller male’s shoulders.  
  
Cameron allows Mike to help him up, a hand on his jaw. Tay stands by the doorway, watching it all unfold in front of her. “He’s mad because I’m with Tay.”  
  
“It’s not just that,” Jordan disputes, aggresively pushing Rob’s hands off his shoulders. “He talked about Tay like she's some fucking object. Talking about how he’s going to break up with her for some girl he barely knows!”  
  
Silence falls upon the room as the sounds of Taylor’s tears echos through the room. Cameron doesn’t make an effort to chase after the brunette, which makes the taller of the two shoot him a glare. He runs after his friend, in hopes to cheer her up and ask for forgiveness. Jordan wished she didn’t find out like this. All he can hope for is that his friend doesn’t think of him any less.  
  
Within time, Tay had forgiven her two friends for what they had done. She had broken up with Cameron, stating that they were better off friends than a couple. To both of their astonishment, Tay had even gone out of her way to help Cam prepare for his date. All she wanted was for her friend to have happiness, even if it meant that he wouldn’t find that within her. Taylor was also quick to forgive Jordan, despite punching Cameron. She thought that it was daring of him to defend her like that, and was willing to put his friendships on the line.  
  
As time went by, Cameron and Jordan were able to mend their friendship (with the help of Tay). Soon, Cameron found himself with a new girlfriend. Her name was Chrissy, a sophomore in college. She was good friends with Mike’s younger brother, Will. The couple had met through the Ferri brothers, and since then, they’d become an inseparable couple. Chrissy, like Tay, was a singer in a band during her free time. Chrissy had invited the group to watch them perform in the bar near her college dorm. Watching her band, Against the Current, made the brunette feel suddenly insecure. Despite having forgiven Cameron and helped him woo his current girlfriend, it didn’t take away the fact that she still held some sort of feelings for him. He was the one who put the pieces back together after the breakup with Alex. Yet he was the same person who tore those pieces apart. Now she was back to square one, watching this girl sing and hook the audience into her spell.  
  
Maybe that was what Cameron liked about her. She was pretty with all that makeup, and she had an intoxicating energy about her. Chrissy was a fantastic singer and had better stage presence in Tay’s opinion. She was more feminine than Tay. Hell, now that she thought about it, so was Lisa! Lisa was the personification of a girly girl. Maybe that’s why all her exes didn’t like her that way, because she came off as one of the guys. It didn’t help that a majority of her friends  _were_  male.  
  
It was decided that she needed a makeover if she really wanted boys to take her seriously. With the help of her  _ex_  boyfriend’s  _current_  girlfriend, she started wearing makeup more, dressing a bit more feminine, and even going as far as starting to use a purse (which proved to be more convenient than stuffing everything she needed into her pockets). Slowly, she found herself gaining confidence and embracing the new change.  
  
“Tay, why are you doing all of this?” Jordan questions. They were at the mall shopping together, just walking out of Ulta.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean,” he pauses, trying to think of the best way to word everything, “Why are you trying to be someone else? This isn’t the Tay I know.”  
  
She lets out a light-hearted chuckle at the comment. “I’d like to think this is a more… _evolved_  version of Tay, if you will.”  
  
The dark brown haired girl attempts to change the subject, but Jordan knows better than to let her get away with it. In the end, she confesses that she felt that maybe all her ex’s left her because she wasn’t as pretty and feminine as they were. That they didn’t want to date their “best bro,” they wanted to be with a real girl.  
  
“Tay, no offense, but that is that dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he exclaims, trying to ignore the girl’s offended look. “You shouldn’t have to change yourself in order to get guys to like you. Just being yourself is the way to get them to come around. Besides, who wouldn’t want to be with you? You’re amazing!”  
  
She felt like what her friend had said was an eye-opener. Why change yourself to win the affections of men around you? Why go through that trouble? The more she thought about it, the more she allowed another thing to open her eyes.  _Jordan._  He held affections for Tay, real affections. He was always there for her and never left her side during her lowest points. He put his friendships on the line for her, for the truth about her ex.  
  
Was Jordan the one she was meant to be with?  
  
It made sense to her, especially his actions and how much he went out of his way to make sure she was okay. With time, Jordan became boyfriend number three.  
  
It was something Jordan daydreamed about for the longest time. He had convinced himself since they were teenagers that Tay was his dream girl. She was funny, outgoing, beautiful, and caring. Having her in his arms, finally, was like a dream come true for him. Yet, it somehow felt wrong.  
  
The first few days felt like a dream, one that he didn’t want to wake up from. He could sense the chemistry in the air, and the aroma was intoxicating. Having her over in his apartment was a bit awkward at first, but having her sleepover in his room and having her listen to his heartbeat put him at ease. The dates, the handholding, the kisses he would sneak in between band practice. It was everything to him, yet there was something about it that felt  _wrong_.  
  
During double dates with Cameron and Chrissy, or Alex and Lisa, Tay’s eyes always seemed to linger over the couple in front of them. Watching as the girl links her arm around the boy's arm lovingly, or when they held hands and intertwined their fingers under the table as they were ordering their dish. Jordan could never miss how the girl next to him briefly tensed up as she watched the couple exchange kisses for a moment. Or as soon as they showed affection, she was quick to mimic their actions. He wasn’t going to allowed to get hurt this way, especially by his supposed dream girl. He had to do it:  
  
“Hey, Tay?”  
  
“Yeah. babe?” Yikes, this was not going to be easy.  
  
“Are you um?” he pauses, watching her finish up the dishes as he was cleaning up the dinner table. “Do you like...us?”  
  
She soaks the sponge in the soapy water, her eyes avoiding his. She could sense his eyes on her, observing her every move. “Of course I do, J. Why? Don’t you?”  
  
His lips form into a straight line, hands gripping on the edge of the table. He is silent for a while, watching her finish the dishes. Even when she was done, she refused to look at him. Her eyes had to meet the soap suds. They had to meet anything but his. “I just feel like I’m a rebound to you.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Because you always seem too concerned what your ex boyfriends think of you instead. I like you, Tay. I’ve liked for you a long time, and I want us to be together because we both have genuine feelings for each other. Not because you attracted to the fact that I’ve defended you. I’m not someone’s second option.” Jordan waits a moment, allowing her to defend herself. Despite knowing that it was true, there was something inside of him that wanted to see if she could prove him wrong. To confirm that what she was feeling was genuine, that she reciprocated those emotions he had long held for her. But she does nothing except avoid his glossy eyes. “I see then. I’m just gonna head out then. Thanks for the dinner, see you around, I guess.”  
  
It was like her body was paralyzed in place, she couldn’t find it within her to chase after him. She let him leave, that was that. He didn’t text nor call; she didn’t either. It’s was over before it even started. It also didn’t help that due to the sudden relationships, their band decided to take a break. The brunette felt like it was entirely her fault, for allowing “love” get in the way of her friendships. As time went by after the hiatus of the band, it gave her the inspiration to write music again (and to go on dates again).  
  
A few men continued to come and go into Tay’s life. There was John O’Callaghan, the tall and handsome film student who broke up with her to focus on his studies and internships. There was Jack Barakat, the vivacious bartender who broke up with her because he didn’t want anything “too serious.” There was Ashton Irwin, the charming Australian who broke up with her because “he wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship.” All of them flops, but all of them made for excellent song inspiration.  
  
_Six_  ex-boyfriends, goodness, she couldn’t believe that she was  _that_  bad in relationships. She found herself in one of the local bars, where her band used to perform during weekends. There was something about it that made her feel at home, and the atmosphere somehow got her to write more. As she was writing down some lyrics, she realized that she needed to give up on finding love. Tay needed to let love find her, in the  _right_  way. No more falling for guys that look your way for more than ten seconds.  
  
“Hey, this might be super random, but uh, I really like your tattoo. I’m a huge Disney fan. The Lion King is my favorite,” a stranger says, casually leaning against the seat across from her in the booth. He uses his beer bottle to point at her tattoo. This stranger was super cute, and it made Tay want to yell at the Gods for sending him despite what she had told herself.  
  
“Thanks, it’s mine too actually!” she replies, putting her pen down. She quickly admired the Simba tattoo on her forearm before looking back at the stranger. “Are you new around here? I come here all the time, and I always see the same faces.”  
  
“Yeah actually, I thought I would check it out since a friend of mine works here. I’m sure into music, and he said that a lot of local bands come play here all the time.”  
  
She gestures for him to sit in the empty seat across from her, which he gladly accepts the invitation. “Really? My band used to play here all the time!”  
  
“You’re in a band?” he questions, his eyes practically shining at the news. Tay nods her head in confirmation, even telling him that she was writing new lyrics. “It’s a shame that I didn’t come here sooner. I would love to watch you guys. I bet you guys are really good!”  
  
She politely scoffs at this. Taylor tries to ignore those familiar butterflies in her stomach as the stranger in front of her continues speaking. But she can’t help but to let herself drown in his dark brown eyes, that are somehow shining in the dimming light. Or the locks of curls that droop over his forehead. There was something about him that felt different to her, something that made her feel like he wouldn’t treat her like all those boys did. But she refused to let that feeling overpower her. There was no way in hell she was going to let herself get attached to this  ~~insanely cute~~ stranger.  
  
“Shit, I’ve rambled on too much. I didn’t get your name, I’m sorry.” He lets out a laugh, and wow did she want to punch herself in the face for letting her stomach flutter at this simple action.  
  
She  ~~tries~~  to ignore the feeling, reaching a hand out across the table to shake his. She  ~~tries~~  to ignore the sensation that runs through her nerves as his hand meets hers. “I’m Taylor Jardine, but I go by Tay for short. It’s nice to meet you.”  
  
He lets go before giving a gentle squeeze to her hand. The curly, brown-haired male shoots her a smile. “I’m Jace, Jace Fontaine.”  
  
His smile made her absolutely weak in the knees. She prays internally that he doesn’t become boyfriend number seven. However, deep down, she’s not objected to the idea.

 

 

 


End file.
